Shopping.

Oooo a word that I love. I am able now to do the looking part and would probably be able to make the purchases too given half a chance :)
Ok it was sunday lunchtime and most of the shops were closed around Kilkenny. I went into Argos and made a few purchases including a home laser kit. Ok I have been recomended to go to the professionals but the cost and the time that I get off is rare these days. Soo I gets back to home and watches the dvd and gives it a blast on my chin only. That was Monday night and I think that the growth in that area has slowed. I will have another go on the whole face area when I get home (which could be another 6 months at this rate :)

Today I have a fairly easy day and will be in Dublin later. I hope to get out and do some clothes shopping as essential supplies have become soiled and needs to be washed, but not sure when I am going to be back at home. Hmmm my mind is wandering to some nice knicks. I am sure that I could be brave enough to make a few purchases.

Little thoughts

I have been on a high this last week, but was brought back down just as quick. It is just part of the rollercoaster ride that being TS is all about. I hung onto dreams of being my true self but had the thought of it all going wrong and not being able to turn back. Having come this far I really think that it is too late to turn back now and the only way is forward.

With each and every day that passes, I find my confidence is getting stronger and can now go into places and looki at the stuff I am going to have to buy. I keep reminding myself that although I don't want to be this way, I have been all my life and have to make the change. In time I hope that this comes and really thinking now that the transition has begun. It is the little things that make the big picture worth while and able to work. After all what is the point of being female if you cannot face buying feminine stuff. Hmmm a thought for us all ..xxx

And moving on .... :)

oh I just had to get that last post off my chest................

So where was I?? OOOoooooo.. I know. My shopping trip that never evolved. Ok later that afternoon I had to go back and pickup my gorupies. They are such wonderful people I thought that it would be nice to take them into Conomara for a little tour. The journey would only put an extra 45 mins onto the time but I knew that they would love it. Yeah right! I was doing it for myself as I know the spiritual properties that this place has. In the morning for instance. Had an extremely long day and was tired when I woke. Seeing those mountains again for the first time this year and the vast open space, all of a sudden I did not feel tired anymore. I just needed a little reassurance that I was not dreaming about this pace last year and with the problems of late that it could help me if it were true. Oh by god it was, we stopped for a photo over a lake with a little white cottage. I often dreamed of owning this little cottage jsut to sit in and wallow away my life in the natural beauty of rugged surroundings and winds that always blow. Well ok that could be another story. I was stood there facing the lake and looking around, breathing the air deep into my lungs and felt kind of uplifted like I was trying to fly. It was like being in heaven again, the clouds that are always lurking over the mountains and the rapid flowing rivers. I was totally detatched from the world for a few breif moments that felt like it was forever. And that was only half a tour. What is going to happen next week when I do the full thing.

Pompus prats.

Ok up until now my work has not been going well, I think this is due to the prats that I havebeen driving on the bus. Enough I scream I am not going to talk about work anymore. Ok only just this one bit. I have a group from Denmark who are absolute sweethearts. It was a bit of a shock to the system as I had prepared for French but hey every little helps :)

Ok I have been feeling somewhat miffed recently as to how I present and who I really am. It can get so lonely and frustrating hiding your true identity especially as the world sees you in a whole different light. This week though has been completly different as I have been able to have a lot of fun with the group and was actually told off about looking too formal with the collar and tie affair, so I'm pleased all round at the moment. After dropping the party off for a day on one of the westerly islands I took myself into town to hopefully do some clothes shopping. Hmmm well I beowsed and decided that this was not the time at the moment as I still need to loose a lot more weight yet. Ok truth of the matter is that I was scared but seems that every day that passes now I am getting stronger.

Isn't it strange

I have come to terms with my situation and the road ahead of me in the future, but as it stands at the moment I cannot face going into a shop to buy clothes. I cannot lie to save my life and would feel uncomfortable if I was to get talking to the cashier.

I am looking though at a weekend away sometime in July to go and get my diagnosis and to have a makeover. I hope to meet up with one of the girls who could possibly help me get over this first 10 foot hurdle that I am facing and break down the barrier of my fears.

This is another "Where do I begin"

I have kind of lost the plot with this whole blog thing at the moment and spending much time and grace working working and ooo more working. Things are tripping along nicely now though and quite happy that I am back on track. I have scrapped the idea of Laser and getting a home Kit to try. Ok it is not the admirable solution to the problem but paying all that money out is just not on. Yes I am at-last getting tight with my money and looking out for my future. I am still a little bad though when it comes to buying clothes. I just cannot bring myself to doing this right now neither male or female stuff but things are looking rosey for me to come to the UK in July and maybe just maybe someone might love me enough to go out and do some shopping stuff :)

What a week

Ok where the heck do I start. Laser. Had a test patch done and was disappointed that it was not the full works. It is going to sting like heck but has to be worth it not to be shaving. Ok it is not an immediate cure and those dreaded blades are going to be around for a while yet. €400 per fekking session but have got the clinic down to around €330 as I am having this long term ad explained about my situation and said that I really did not want to be going through with this change in my life. It worked though. Got the appointment card back at home which could change at any time due the forces of work.

Ok I mentioned the "W" word. Dear god if I was like my tour guide that I have finished today with the most obnoxious little cow that i have ever met. My sister-in-law is a saint in comparrison. But enough about that bit of cack for the mo' :)