Busy little me has been doing some weeding today out the back :)
Slowly getting to grips with this country life is good and have been reflecting my past back in the UK. It makes me shudder to think on what I had to put up with back there and the copious amounts of junk that I never had the heart to get rid of. Now it is minimal stuff and loving it at that. I still have a vast amount of stuff to sort out here but getting there slowly and now on the last load of washing before I start to iron it all tomorrow evening and Sunday morning.
I am away again on Monday and will be sad to wave goodbye to home which is something I never thought i would be saying, but need to make some money for the winter and have hopefully got a job in the local store but have decided that I need to prioritise my transition first. Most of the locals know about my situation and why I moved here and seem cool but still get all the questions put to me and am happy to answer the best I can. At least they know that I am not some kind of pervert and it seems I have been accepted reasonably well here unlike the bustling town of Killarney.
Friday, 29 August 2008
Thursday, 28 August 2008
Domesticated Katy
My attention was drawn today to the reasons surrounding my current situation of desire to change genders. This was during a therapy session for my recent stupidity of trying to kill myself.
Ok when put on the spot it makes you think about the whole situation and what I am really all about. The fact that I have a female mind is bad enough but points were raised about having children and other such issues. Ok so that can never happen apart from if I adopt and there are the other side of things that females have o go through that I will never have the experience of.
In conclusion we have discovered that there is a lot more to this that has been eating me up but the full extent might never be known.
It is nice though that we have come onto this subject that for 28 years now I have suffered in silence with. I spoke of my emotions growing up and realizing that I was different to everybody else nd the trouble I had trying to do those "boyish" tasks that were expected of me in younger years.
Since getting back I have been sorting out the cottage by doing washing and cleaning windows. Call it perks of the job but such tasks have to be done. Have the majority of the the rest of the place sorted and just now working on the spare bedroom and my bedroom to get it just so to the way I want it to be .
Ok when put on the spot it makes you think about the whole situation and what I am really all about. The fact that I have a female mind is bad enough but points were raised about having children and other such issues. Ok so that can never happen apart from if I adopt and there are the other side of things that females have o go through that I will never have the experience of.
In conclusion we have discovered that there is a lot more to this that has been eating me up but the full extent might never be known.
It is nice though that we have come onto this subject that for 28 years now I have suffered in silence with. I spoke of my emotions growing up and realizing that I was different to everybody else nd the trouble I had trying to do those "boyish" tasks that were expected of me in younger years.
Since getting back I have been sorting out the cottage by doing washing and cleaning windows. Call it perks of the job but such tasks have to be done. Have the majority of the the rest of the place sorted and just now working on the spare bedroom and my bedroom to get it just so to the way I want it to be .
Mighty craic
I have been down the local again tongiht to see what they are thinking about a weird person living in their village + I have a drink problem :D
Ok it was mighty there and laughed all the way to the bank. They have accepted me and the changes I am making (or at least most) But that is enough.
Next concerns: Kerry beating Cork this weekend. :D
Ok it was mighty there and laughed all the way to the bank. They have accepted me and the changes I am making (or at least most) But that is enough.
Next concerns: Kerry beating Cork this weekend. :D
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
Another big blow
I know this is a bit late but have spent the day thinking :)
As a plastic paddy and now settled amongst a wonderful community that appreciates the local sports, i have come to grow quite fond of the Gaelic football. Never really like football much when I was in England but this is different. Lots of sweaty guys, harsh, rough and very fast and skilled and also doing it for the love as very few are paid.
Well that is the basic insight but over the weekend we had the semi-finals of the all Ireland between Kerry & Cork the 2 neighbouring counties in the Munster province. Well this is a grudge match to say the least and last year the 2 teams met in the finals in Dublin to which "my" county of Kerry walked the match.
Well again the semi's were played last Sunday and the 2 teams drew, so now we have to endure this all over again this weekend.
The Green & Gold flags are flying all around the place and I am confident to the fact that I have doubled a bet with an ex-colleague evidently from Cork ;)
Well I suppose that I better get into good spirits and get some drinking practice in before hand this time :D
As a plastic paddy and now settled amongst a wonderful community that appreciates the local sports, i have come to grow quite fond of the Gaelic football. Never really like football much when I was in England but this is different. Lots of sweaty guys, harsh, rough and very fast and skilled and also doing it for the love as very few are paid.
Well that is the basic insight but over the weekend we had the semi-finals of the all Ireland between Kerry & Cork the 2 neighbouring counties in the Munster province. Well this is a grudge match to say the least and last year the 2 teams met in the finals in Dublin to which "my" county of Kerry walked the match.
Well again the semi's were played last Sunday and the 2 teams drew, so now we have to endure this all over again this weekend.
The Green & Gold flags are flying all around the place and I am confident to the fact that I have doubled a bet with an ex-colleague evidently from Cork ;)
Well I suppose that I better get into good spirits and get some drinking practice in before hand this time :D
I cannot belive it
With everything that has gone on recently everything has just dropped into place. I ave spoken to a few locals over the last few days and it seems that the village is so friendly and could not give a stuff over my issues. I have found paradise and all that goes with it.
There are other bonuses that I could be in-line for a few part-time jobs which should keep me going through the winter and on into my transition. However these are not in the local village but very close by.
For the first time in my life I feel I have "true" friends right now and not people who want to use me, abuse me and dump me when things go sour.
I have decided for now at least to step back a little from TS related organizations and just float along with what life has to offer as this has so dominated my life over the last 8 months and now need an even keel to look towards if I am going to make it in this life.
There are other bonuses that I could be in-line for a few part-time jobs which should keep me going through the winter and on into my transition. However these are not in the local village but very close by.
For the first time in my life I feel I have "true" friends right now and not people who want to use me, abuse me and dump me when things go sour.
I have decided for now at least to step back a little from TS related organizations and just float along with what life has to offer as this has so dominated my life over the last 8 months and now need an even keel to look towards if I am going to make it in this life.
Sunday, 24 August 2008
Being in the middle
A nice relaxing Sunday morning was shattered by a call for me to work. Ahh but I didn't mind as I was only local and broke the day up. I have been sat here doing the inevitable thinking exercises and can now put all the little pieces together and see how the whole shot looks. For me is about being a middle aged female, working hopefully within the local community store and living life as a female should. Well I am pretty much doing that right now as I have come to acceptance of my true self and got over those questions that blackened my vision up until very recently.
It would be nice to settle down and get married but not hoping too much on that as I don't think there would be many men out there that would want to settle with a girl that had that same status, but there again I might be pleasantly shocked.
Although I have not yet reached the stage where I can start HRT this is the time I need to relfect on the road ahead and not stopping to look back over my shoulder at the past as I have done too much of that rcently. I am expressing myself more in the literal sense and am working now how to base this character that primarily has been me throughout my life.
I have also taken a step back from angels too but keep popping by there to see what is what and lend words of support when I can. This is now about getting used to my female role as much as I can before it actually takes off in November.
Until then xxx Hugs xxx
Katy
It would be nice to settle down and get married but not hoping too much on that as I don't think there would be many men out there that would want to settle with a girl that had that same status, but there again I might be pleasantly shocked.
Although I have not yet reached the stage where I can start HRT this is the time I need to relfect on the road ahead and not stopping to look back over my shoulder at the past as I have done too much of that rcently. I am expressing myself more in the literal sense and am working now how to base this character that primarily has been me throughout my life.
I have also taken a step back from angels too but keep popping by there to see what is what and lend words of support when I can. This is now about getting used to my female role as much as I can before it actually takes off in November.
Until then xxx Hugs xxx
Katy
Thursday, 21 August 2008
The dust has settled and after a few days of relaxing I am enjoying the peace and tranquility of being myself at last again and once more. Things have become different for me now as the journey of my life steps up a gear and I progress towards my new life. However there are setbacks that I have come to endure but nothing that cannot be handled.
Now that life is moving on and me with it, I appreciate the simple things and have come to realize after the dark days of depression that I am still the same person, the same emotions but significantly different and more confident and determined to get what I have been seeking for so long. But in truth for me is not about parading around in a frock and putting on copious amounts of makeup it is about being happy with life an content with the way I am.
Now that life is moving on and me with it, I appreciate the simple things and have come to realize after the dark days of depression that I am still the same person, the same emotions but significantly different and more confident and determined to get what I have been seeking for so long. But in truth for me is not about parading around in a frock and putting on copious amounts of makeup it is about being happy with life an content with the way I am.
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