A mixture of events

It's been a while but I thought I'd better report here on what is happening and more to the point that I am still alive ;o)
The last few weeks have been manic with setting up a website, web forum and chat room for the support group My friend and I are starting soon. I found like with my gender issues that talking online was a big help and especially as the embarrassment of trying come to terms with something thhat had escallated out of control, helped me find my feet and who I really was.

For that reason alone I am trying to promote anyone that has any pending conditions to sign up to the forum and have a restricted section that I can assign to certain users to chat 1 to 1.

Apart from that I was also on tour for an organisation I'm involed with for their elections campaign. That was head wrecking as I did something like 1'500km in 4 days and that is way above the average tour I ever did.

After getting home from the tour, my friend was having grief from his wife about me being in the field and her fears were that I was going to claim squatters rights. Well I think my friend did a wonderful job in trying to persuade her but to no avail.
I decided that it was time to move on and have found a 2 bed cottage that I move into next week. It's still in the same area which is great as I still have a certain amount of isolation crossed with the beauty of the countryside at my disposal.
I need space and the mountain of clothes has gotten out of hand these last few months so guess what I'll be doing when I first move in?

Oh and I can't forget the doglets. Well I wish i could as they are a menacing reminder to me 24/7. They are giving me so much freedom and enjoyment it's unreal. Now 11 weeks they are due for their jabs next week so can get them on a lead and go walking. This is not really a good plan for someone transitioning as they are so adorable I can imagine everyone admring them.

On the darker side, I've been hit back with anxiety attacks and for no reason whatso.
These little buggers are quite sharp and need controlling which I'm trying to do with a positive attitude.

Anyway duty calls for now as one doglet is grizzling to go out

The patter of tiny feet.

And it has to be said, the splatter of distruction. Two cuties have come into my life recently and has made the world of difference to me as I share in thier playful lives.
Spot and Molly are both 9weeks old and Spot being the first to takeup residance as an adopted son and the offer of Molly just couldn't be refused.

My friend had gotten Spot and as his family didn't know had left him overnight in a rather cold and damp house that is no-longer occupied but only for a small dog that is gaurding the place. Well on seeing this little fella I could not refuse but to say that I would look after him until the time come that my mate could persuade his family that he was having a dog again. Well if that day never comes I will only be too happy to care for the both of them.
Watching them running about the field and playing is amazing in itself and reminds me of the life that I had been denied. The freedom of it all these days is so invigerating and knowing that I have a reason to live, to get out of bed at un-earthly times of the morning and to know that I have someone to care for.

A diversion towards motherly instincts

Just over a week ago after the dust had settled with my trip to Dublin, which was a success may I add, I took in a lodger in the shape and form of a little 7 week old pup. Well he has been nurtured and loved just like a little baby and was told at my last meeting just gone that this is my nurturing instincts showing through. Well since then I've taken in his sister the reason being that the first is actually my friends dog whos wife does not know as yet. So I've taken a shine to this little fella and thought long and hard since and decided that I need my own little companion too.

It was something that I hadn't planned yet has been the making of me, excelling me further back into contentment and happiness.

They both seem settled at the moment and because they are from the same little get on great and is fun to watch the two of them playing instead of my poor little fingers and hands being bitten.

As to my transition, well things are going well and getting there as planned. I'm not just being kept busy with the doggies but also have lots going on with studying and life in general which is totally different to last year, so I guess that I'm not really thinking too much about it but just getting on and doing stuff.

A flight of nerves or just feeling low

Tomorrow is the day of all days, the long journey early in the morning and the treck across a city just to get the news that all my life I've been waiting for!

It is the treck to Dublin to see my gender psychologist and I have been feeling somewhat poor all day.
Not sure if it's nerves or what but the thought of going through this all agin, dragging up the painful past all seems too much for me to bare.
I've slept for most of the day barring going out when a friend called to me. That in itself was fortunate as the black thoughts that I have kept at bay were back wit a vengance.
I now find myself deeper and deeper questioning myself and the way forward.
Do I want to carry on or go back to the misery I have always known.
Something for a nice open discussion tomorrow I guess.

Ch ch ch changes.....

I'm in play mode right now and have decided to make some changes to my blog. To give it a fresher more appaling look ;o)
Anyway as to life, well it was challenging yesterday as I walked up the road to get some shopping. I've become so unfit over the last year and was in a bath of sweat just thinking about the walk up the road and was completely shattered on the way home.
All I have been doing these past few months is sleeping and trying to get each day out of the way. Now though I have a multitude of challenges to get fit, loose weight and quit smoking before I start HRT which all have a meaning to get on with now.

xxx Mikki xxx

Now things are flying :o)

It has been a landmark week so far for me. Something that I had only dreamed of as on Tuesday I got the news of my long awaited appointment to see the gender psychologist in Dublin which set me on a high but also yesterday saw a nice little payment due to me. For this I invested in a much needed laptop as fir over a year mine died and was running off my PDA which was great but had it's restrictions.

Even yesterday afternoon was brilliant as my power scource was not availible and headed into town to a local pub for charging the batteries on this little machine.
Ofcourse I indulged in a few pints of Guinness and knowing what could happen with my mind after taking alcohol, took my chances as I had this warm feeling on being able to deal with any situation.
Well I had a good time of is and had no morbid thoughts whatsoever. This morning I felt a little rough around the edges but have gotten over that now.

Anyway I have just over a week until my appointment in Dublin and cannot wait to get onto the next rung of the ladder :o)

xxx Micky

Tears

I'm in a world of my own right now as piece by piece things fall into place.
Today has sparked a landmark event of my life as it was confirmed that i have am appointment to see the gender psychologist next week. Is this really happening to me and can i live my life after all?
The events of last year have colored my life forever and finally i can get on with accepting the changes i'm already making. It does though seem very un-real at the moment but sure it'll sink in.