I've mentioned my Christmas times of past & that debilitating feeling of having to make do with my misgivings of life.
This Christmas is by far the tightest Christmas ever & even when I was homeless it wasn't as bad as this.
However this Christmas is my own choice & I need to sit with all the feelings to be able to move forwards.
I'd rather have money put down on my bike & go without rather than go mad & live with the regrets of overindulging & having to work it off later on.
Anyway something was not sitting right with me for a while now & was from the time my brother contacted me.
Yes I got my wish of him contacting me but this will be the last time too.
See I need influential people in my life & all he can do is brag & moan.
He claimed to have found "a spiritual path" but take away the masks & you are still left with a spiteful & spoiled person that he always has been & will be.
Still it was a brief encounter with the stark realisation that my friends around me mean more than my blood siblings.
Even my relatives on both sides of my parents have not had anything to with me in years & that's OK & their loss.
I've struggled to get to this place today that I'm in & it's made me a much better person too.
See you have to have gone right to rock bottom to grow spiritually & that is something that my brother will never do.
His intent is all about money & as good as that may seem, there are more important things too that money cannot buy.
Anyways I've got that out & on with enjoying my first ever Christmas if feeling totally & wholly connected to me. Xxx
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