It has been a mixed bag of events this week. As my previous post suggests, I spent the first part of the week in Drab mode. Not a good thing by my standards now. Thursday saw me on a drinking session, which I have also realized solves nothing. Friday sw me off out food shopping and while doing such, my local supermarket also carries a range of feminine products to which I am currently needing. I could not even draw myself to go near them. Hmmm going to have to get used to that one.
I feel some sense of being cut off from the world here as this is a small town and thins get back rather quick in many respects. I am on attempt No 2 to give up smoking and hope this time to succeed. While the prospects of changing my life now are exciting, there is still this element of doubt in the back of my mind which pops out from time to time and bites me in the face. I am undeterred but still feel in limbo as nothing seems to be happening. I now need to get me own place where I can go about my daily life as Katy. Being restricted to the one room here is not my idea of fun. Have found that however the supportive words from my friends here is masked by this false sense of taking the piss. Again I echo the words of the past and wish that this could all come right somehow.
Having taken the stance of having private consultations, I have discovered that there are some that I am chatting to who seemed to think that I would return to the UK and try on the NHS. The misery of that dam country still bares the scars that I carry, but seem to have no choice in returning for consultations.
I am now looking into FFS which is something that I thought I would not need, but seems now that to get this balance right will be a considered option.

With each day that passes, is one day less that I have to wait to get back to work and one day less that I have to spend in this house. As much as I love the place, just feel now is the time to move on with my life.
It is not as if I am running away now, but merely moving forward. Hey come on, I ran away from the UK, and was most certainly to my benefit.

Away from all of this for a bit, but last night or early this morning, I heard a crowd of drunken yobs fighting out in the street. This kind of got me to thinking about my transition and how dangerous it could be. But as long as I can do the day to day things in life, I should be OK. I have never been the type to go clubbing but sometimes get the urge. But what is the point of life if you are going to live in solitude. I have noticed that a lot of post op girls I speak to seem to be secluded in their lives, and not showing on the surface but deep down has regrets over their operations.

Ok I might be the same, but am having regrets and hate rid of my body at the moment.


Right, think I have said enuff for the mo'
Oh and me birffday tomorrow, not really a time to be celebrating but merely reflecting on the hardships of life.



xxxx Katy xxxx