Things took a bit of a twist yesterday as I said farewell to my fellow angels. This was not a spur of the moment thing but feel the need to move forward and on with my life. I seem to have gotten stuck in this rut of the internet and was not getting on with my day to day life. I will be back at work shortly and can keep the girls over there posted on my progress as it goes on. I feel somewhat emotionally attached to my life now and working my voice back to the soft feminine way it used to be. The harsh reality of this decision is that I don't really like the fantasy's of being female nor the way that dressing makes me feel. Ok it has some girly power that keeps me intouch with the true person that I really am but I get no thrill out of doing it. Reading posts about girly things just made me realize that we are split in 2 halve when it comes to the trans world. Another word that I hate but have to accept that I AM a trans girl and not a genetic girl. Now I can concentrate on getting on with my transition and hope that all goes well. I am always there for the needs of my new friends from the Angels and will be grateful to help via emails and such.

Well today I had a parcel, which may I add was just about a week late. But hey can't do anything about that as we have just gotten over easter. I am looking forward to the prospects of getting back to work which equates to getting over to the Uk for my first diagnosis of this condition. I am currently sat here gazing periodically into the mirror opposite me and have come to the conclusion that I need to get something done about me nose. :) But taking little tiny steps to realize that what I am going to endure is the right thing as I will have to live with this for the rest of my life. I have made some pretty stupid mistakes in the past that too now need to be rectified. As a young girl, I decided to have a tattoo done on my left arm and some few years down the road have grown to hate the dam thing so might look at having it removed or covered up. It is things like this that I don't just want to jump into and make sure that I am comfortable with my life before making such changes. Still I feel that deep down I am on the right tracks now and with the proper help can make the changes to my life.

I am hoping to get the bills sorted in the next few weeks and have a good shopping trip. Dam the needs of a female are so great from day to day skin care right through to clothes. In years gone, I have never been the type of person that has made any attempt on my image but seems now that I have to look good when I go out. Think this could mainly be the fact that I have been in a world of my own and never wanted to present as a male but was scared to present as a female.
Looking back though at the past, i realized that just by wearing a pair of jeans made me feel girly. The lack of understanding from my parents and the lack of cash to but clothes was kind of a luxury for me back then. It stillechoes to this day with my mum. In a recent conversation with her, she asked if I had my hair cut for going back to work. Hey come on like, I have told her about my condition and that I have no option to go forward. Is this really going to help my image as female hmmmmm no. So I told the ultimate lie that I did have it cut as she is not likely to see me anytime soon.

Well it is that time where I need to get out of bed and back down stairs as I am hungry. Ooops should not have said anything about that as I am supposed to be on a diet.

Cheeeoooo for now.

xxx Katy xxx