As much as i feel content with the way my life is going now, still have little thorns that make this a nasty experience to deal with. I have been here in Ireland for the past year and a half and only knew my old schoolfriend here. Having fallen in love with the place and now decided that this is where I am going to settle in my female role am quite content to stay on. However things have taken an ugly turn just recently as my mate is no longer speaking to me over money that he owes me, which I am now asking to be repaid. I went out the other day and in true spirits of knowing how to deal best with my problems aka getting totally intoxicated, decided that I woul give his father a briefing over the phone. I know that this is going to have come bace effects and when it does is only scratching the surface on the pain that I have suffered after being let down so bad.
I was expecting a payment on Thursday which he failed to meet and that was going to pay for my deposit with Dr Curtis. I now have to wait another few weeks while I get back to work and get my main bills paid up before I can make this appointment now.

It is not only my mate that has screwed me over with money, my mother has too. She often states how I helped them out and how grateful she is, but never mentions re-paying me.

I have decided that although I am going back driving and will hardly be home during the summer and the winter come to that, I am going for a place of my own very very shortly. I have spoken to a guy letting a property out in the country and have decided that this is the place where I will start my transition.

I always state that my physical appearance would not differ from what it is now but am wanting that full on female wardrobe and my aim is to dump anything male that I have by the end of the year. Yes this means more and more shopping for this little girl and going to start on Monday to get some stuff for me to wear when I go to the UK. I am going to travel as male and will get a makeover and changed for the occasion. After that is a matter of time until I start living my RLE fulltime.

There is a lot that needs to be done now with my health and this is main priority over anything else at the moment. My weight is currently boardering up and down the scale of a couple of pounds but can feel the physical changes and feels better within myself.

I am getting ready to venture out this afternoon to watch the rugby down me local pub. My home county of Gloucester is playing the county I am in now (Munster) and will have the pleasure of being in rivalry between the locals here. Not very girly but hey still have some moral pride over where I come from, which is about all I have left to hang on to these days.

For anybody looking into transition or anybody who cannot understand what we are going through, it is bloody hard and lonely. You have to totally re-build your life and think very carefully about each step along the way. For me this is not something that I want to be doing, but feel totally cut off mentally from my physical state. Along the way, people will loose all faith in you as they cannot really understand why you are doing this thing.

Anyway enough said for the mo'


xxx Katy xxx