That little fire that I thought had died in my soul has flared up again. This time it has come in a bundle with more self-confidence and not the fear of who I am anymore.
I went out food shopping today and bought some face-care essentials. Ok, it's a start and next wilol be asking boots about which foundation suits me. Hmmm might be a while off yet though. Anyway, i looked at the products on the shelf and put them into my basket as i am not posh enough for a trolley and went to the checkout. Remarkably I never felt guilty in these products going through the checkout and walked away feeling quite confident. I only endevour to complete one task at a time, ok felt more embarrassed about me pot-noodles in the bag than anything else. Tomorrow I hope to go clothes shopping or even window shopping.

After being in town it is usual for me to pop by the pub and spend the rest of my money on alcohol. Well today I did the same but only had a couple so i have some cash left over just in case. I sat there and in my own little unusual way, observed people coming and going through the door. Two guys walked in, about mid 40's early 50's (hey i'm not a good judge with ages,) both of them had mustaches and I sat there and smiled to myself of what makes men want facial hair like that. A harbor for bacteria to say the least. The a couple walked in, she ordered a coke and he passsed on a drink. Hmmm kinda that male dominance of I cannot drink and don't want to be seen out with a sort drink thing. Soon people started passing me and smiling, I wonder if they were thinking about the wierdo sat on the stool with long hair and a soft voice as she spoke or what,I will never know. Before i used to get paranoid at that, but now just don't care.

I came home and ok lunch was healthy with a pot-noodle, but sat back and watched the telly for a bit before my housemate came home from her work. Her sister who is dating my ex-mate had been talking about me and what I had done to upset this rat. I was not the least interested, I have always made the first move to rectify a situation but not anymore. I am prepared to wait until our paths meet and let him make the first move, then I will get my claws out and start.

I really do feel at peace with myself, but know the next stage is not going to be easy be any means but am prepared for it. I find that there are a lot of girls on the angels site that never really got to this stage and battled through with the final situation of having some regrets with their transitions. Again it has to be said that this is no miracle cure, life will still be shitty on the other side too. Only over there it is the defense of being a trans-woman. I am now prepared to take that challenge.

xxxx Katy xxxx