Stepping into the untold

Yesterday I went out for a walk with my housemate in to town for the intention of food shopping. Hmmm well I was kinda diverted for about 30mins or so as he has gotten very religious as of late especially over the last few weeks for some reason. We went to this church known as the Friary. I had always passed this on my travels and about the closest I ever got was hanging around outside for a works meeting at the end of last year. OK so we had to stop on the way up as his health is not too good at the moment. I spoke of my despair of not being able to move forward and told him how I wish I didnot have to do what I am doing but somehow it has to be done. He tried to calculate that in about 10 mins but still seemed a little confused.
Right so we enters this church and he performs the process of true catholic faith before kneeling to pray. I said a couple for my dad and all those who have been taken from this world that I knew. I got onto the issues surrounding me and said that I was scared of doing this and knew it was messing with nature. I put it in a way that I believe that nature has messed with me still trying to be diplomatic. All the time I was in there my left ear was ringing softly and I felt this great sense of calm throughout my whole body. I had never felt like that in my life as I have always been living on a knife edge over people finding out about me. A few questions popped into my head and in my own rights answered them as best that I could. I left that church somewhat a different person that I entered, feeling a whole lot more confident. Maybe this is a start but not going to hit it big time like my housemate.

Later yesterday evening I was in the living room when my housemate walked in and told him about my experiences and how I felt. He smiled but never said a word. I also spoke more about me and my proposed journey, but this conversation was not fuelled with alcohol as I normally have to have a drink before I talk to anybody. Nope I felt comfortable talking about changing my name and my whole wardrobe. I spoke of despair of having to do this and the pain it causes me. It was kind of strange but felt right to talk about such problems. We then went out for a drink to the local pub. The scene was set with the traditional music sessions of Ireland. These lads are very good and set the mood for the rest of the evening. Although after the first drink my housemate left and I remained on my own. It was not long before I got chatting to a few people and all of a sudden I was being accepted by the locals at long last. Not for being TS but for being English which made the whole world look a lot different. Maybe this is a sign of things to come, who knows.

xxx X xxx