Well i could not stay away from Angels for too long. The big ugly thing that we call the outside world is not a pretty place at the best of times. It seems that those whom we think are close to us are actually out for what they can milk us out of. I have found that out the hard way but now bouncing back in true bitchy fashion and demanding to have debts repaid. Well as to success, that remains to be seen but will have a dam good go.
Ok rant over. It has been a good week for me this week with a mixture of getting out and having some fun. I also made the break and brought me motorhome back to the house to get cleaned up and charge the batteries. The weather has also been kind in the latter part of the week, but still cannot make the most of it as I am still unable to walk much of a distance due to my leg. but am still battling on regardless.

I have reached another milestone in the last few days and decided that my appointment in London be sooner rather than later. It is kinda scary but exciting knowing that I am actually going to really kick start this whole process and the long path to my so called happiness. Deep down I am feeling more stable emotionally, mentally and yet to get the physical side sorted out. I still feel the sparkle in my eyes and acts like a youthful teenager. However I know there will be more dark tunnels ahead but the lights are on in preparation for these now.

Got a meeting later on today with the company I work for. oh this is a general meeting with all the drivers invited. Going to be fun observing grown men acting like little kids in a playground spurting out comments like "My bus is bigger than yours" and "I drive American golfers and make more money that you." Oh and there might be the odd sligh comment made towards me being English too. Little do they know that I am an English Transsexual. Hmmm their faces would drop. Then after the meeting it will be to the pub for me usual Thursday drink and might stop out for the evening.

My aim from now on is to make as many people smile or laugh as i can in any one given day. I read a post today on the angels forum of a T-Girl who recently took her own life. Not a good situation for anyone to be in as I know and have written about in the past. However, you can only help those who ask to be helped and there are those who suffer in silence and feel that there is only one way out of the misery and suffering. Being of any type of trans, whether TS or TV/CD is difficult and it seems that there are a lot that merely want to be accepted. I kinda take a different view to this now and merely want to be my true self. I look down evertime I have a shower or bath and still hate the sight and thought of having male genitals. This is not the way it is meant to be I should be totally female and soon will. I have also gotten to that stage where shaving has caused a rash so cannot wait to start Laser.

I am also going to start playing around with makeup shortly. This is going to be a novelty as I have only ever tried to use lipstick which added worked quite well. Although I still think that it can be a bit tarty, has to be perfected as the occasion might arise when I need a night out. Hmmm chances of that one is slim to none, but not going to count me chickens before they hatch.

If I have learned anything from my experience so far, is that I have now become a respectable person. I always had a problem and was lazy with certain daily things that should be executed like personal hygiene. I cannot wear the same clothes for more than one day now and sometimes need to change more than once a day. However my washing is quickly piling up and needs to be sorted. I often went for weeks without washing clothes but that can be attributed to my childhood as I was denied not just the right to be who I am but also the lack of cash and the equation of clothing. I always wanted to buy skirts and stuff and had no real interest in male clothes. Last year I thought I got over this and when I go FT, there will be around 30 shirts and about the same in trousers going to the charity shops. I now have the joyful task of buying femme clothes and looking out for something to wear when I go to London later this month. However, I am kinda looking forward to wearing skirts and girly tops, but the usual unisex look of loose jeans and me t-shirts will still be high on my dressing list. Tried them tight jeans once and didnot like them at all so will not be making such investments.

I also have to plan for future work. I cannot see myself after this year wanting to drive or even be involved in the transport industry. In saying that, there is and avenue opening for the driving instruction market now and am tempted to go all out for that. Hmmm would much prefer to do some charity work and try harder on my photography. But a girl needs an income to keep her in clothes and might go for a shop job or something like that. Was looking into a collage course but might prove to be difficult with spotty teenagers and a tranny.

Spoke to me mum yesterday about me intended visit to London, she seemed quite surprised at the fact that I was still on about my female side and thought that it was a phase or cry for attention. Well hello, I have been crying out for years to be recognized and not really going to back down now. I still remain loyal to her but hate her for the suffering and misery spent all these years. But was always taught not ot bare grudges. Hmmm well most of the time I don't but there is one case that I do and that is mother orientated and that was friends of hers that I rented my old property to. Well this guy and his wife and their sweaty little shits decided to make my life hell. The part that I am really looking forward to is getting my diagnosis for GID and bringing a case to court over allegations this woman made against me. It seems in the past, she has lied her way in and out of situations and made allegations of sexual assult aginst me towards her. Well armed with all the information on GID and presenting myself as Kathryn will drag the bottom of the river and bring up all sorts of memories but am going for a legal suit aginst her for these allegations which were blatently flase. I have only ever had one serious relationship and still have feelings for this girl. I should be able to prove although think I have ditched my old mobile, threatening messages sent to me but feel the allegations read to me on police recorded tape should be sufficent. Hmmm will keep the rest of those thoughts to myself.

Anyway still awake at 3:11am on this Thursday morning and no intentions of OOooooooo *yawns* sleeeping yet.
But have waffled enough for now.

xxxx Katy xxxx