Does it get any easier or any better the longer this situation goes on? I keep asking myself this over and over again and keep coming to the same conclusion that the pain will ease over a period of time, pretty much like it did when I lost my father.
I still feel this sense of being trapped and knowing no way out. It did not help last night when I was talking to my recently appointed housemate whom has no idea about my condition. We got chatting about gay people and I asked him straight out if he thought that I was different in any sense. Hmmm gay he replied, no never. But I found myself coming to the defence of a community to which of sorts I am associated. The conversation then drew us both to the pub, or should I say, me back to the pub. I seem to have taken up drinking in volume again which is not good with the season here about to kick off. I knew that this would happen as I said yesterday about the whole shopping dilemma. One can only live in hope that once I start hitting the hotels again, I can slope quietly to my room and play around getting my makeup right and such things.

I have been thinking though quite a lot about position of work, but knowingly inside that I cannot transition and work in the company I currently work for. However it might work out as I am on the road most of the time. Hmmm still working on those thoughts. I am also looking to take off in my van and head for somewhere completely different but not before my trip to Thailand for my throat shaving thingy at the end of the year.

I have also made considerations as to changing my female name to tie in with my male name, but woke this morning to say to myself Katy you stupid cow. Kathryn has varied over the years but have stuck with that name since i was about 19 and therefore decided that it should stay.

xxx Katy xxx