Scared

It's a sad and lonely world living as a trans person. When people get to find out about you they try to understand but kind of distance themselves from you after a while thinking your a freak or something.
I know a few post ops who live in a desperate world of loneliness and in my opinion regret. There are others though that make the most of what they have and live a normal life. I am hoping to be in that category as I have had the loneliness up until now.
There is enough criticism in this world without being told by a certain few to think again over transitioning as it sounds like a phase that you are going through.
Now see in my eyes if I have been through an experience and someone wants help, I try my best to help. I do not bog them down with information one week and tell them something totally different the next. This is why I have distanced myself from the angels chatroom over certain people in there.

This is not a situation that needs to be taken lightly and if the system could be sub-divided in anyway, there would be those who seek the attention and those who genuinely seek help. I am not in that position though to make assumptions as there is no physical proof but is just an impression that I get.
This whole thing has caught me bad this time and as I have said in other posts that I have no option but to continue with this. I always thought that there was a choice but seems like there isn't in materials I have been reading.

As to the reasons that I got so low last night, I still cannot put my finger on it and thought that my tendancies of self harm were all in the mind, but this was an indication that they are definitely alive and prepared to hit me at any time. I just need to be strong through this stage and not relfect back on what has happened.

Moving on.
I have to push myself to the next level now, seeking help and joining forums whenever I get the chance. I want to be able to help others out too as this can be a lonely life of secrets and that most may not be as strong as me. It is not about the financial rewards but the knowledge of doing good for someone and being there for them.
I also have to start buying clothes for my new role and getting the diagnosis stuff sorted out. It is just under a week now before the season kicks in and cannot wait to finally get out of the house and back working. I know that this has been said before and might encourage me to post something a little more interesting here as to stuff that I have bought and photos of my stages of development.