Smile! It increases face value

Well this should be a happy time for me but right now I feel deeper in the depths of depression than ever. I was sat here thinking yesterday and what ever I thought turned into depression and suicidal thoughts. I've had enough of this battle to say the least.
Ok scrub those last thoughts. :)

I'm going to add on to this post ;)
Even at my best I find it almighty hard to find it in myself to smile. It's just one of those things living with the feelings of being trapped within the wrong gender and everything that one does seems false.
Now things have started to move on a little from keeping "the big secret" to sharing your life, your biggest fears and your dreams all rolled into one with professionals in the medical circle.
The bubble burst for me in
January leaving me exposed, frightened& vulnerable or so I thought.
These days I seem to be battling to re-build my shattered life and although I seem to be tipping away it still hurts deep down.
I do have to confess that I am somewhat happier in life these days but by god when the black thoughts hit, they hit hard.
Now I am about to start another chapter in my long journey and into the unknown of what could either make or break me as the waggon rolls away from my house of horrors yet what I still regard as my safety zone. Still given time and building trust with people I could be back close by shortly. Ok being evicted has taken its toll on me recently and I'm kinda bitter the way it has been done yet as said it is the opportunity to move on which honestly scares me to hell.