Moving on

I have reached this plateau with the changes I am making. At this time and moment I can not move on and know that I have come too far to go back.
Until I get my appointment with Richard Curtis, I feel there is the need to report here when something happens and not to moan about work and other stuff.

I have found the adventure so far pretty challenging and have learned a lot about myself along the way. Now it is time to move on and get other aspects of my life sorted starting with alcohol. It has been the cause of a lot of problems over the years but not as bad as I used to be, however in saying this I am still dependant on the stuff.

Keep looking in as I will report on aspects like my laser sessions and my appointments.

Until then, stay safe and take care.


xxx Hugs Katy xxx

And

So I was saying in my last post just how good a girl I have become. Yeah right!
I ran out of ciggies last night and sloped off down to the bar to get some more, got chatting and drinking and had might craic :) It was nice but however I feel the effects this morning. Oh no not of the booze but feel so tired after the late night. This job of mine can get like that at times which is why I have deicded to call it a day at the end of this year.

Again though, I got chatting about the reasons why I left the UK and nearly blurbed about my situation but nevr did thankfully. People here are interested to where your accent is from.

Having been awake since 6:30, I have gotten into that chain of waking up at the same time each morning. This time I have realized that there is no need to leave until 9am to fetch the bus.

Tuesday is a day of thought that is keeping me going though. This is the day that I get to myself and the prospects of shopping in Galway. I am still pushing myself to browse and make purchases of clothes. I am getting there slowly and an attempt every week or so builds my confidence little by little.
I still find there is little point in buying clothes at the moment but on the other hand is the fact that I need to start my wardrobe off for the fututre.

Saturday night blues

Here I sit in my room with no real interest in going out on the town. Firstly I could not enjoy myself as I am very tired and secondly I want to be one of those girls singing drunkenly :( Hmmm

I have been thinking a lot lately about all this stuff that has gone on and realized that soaking it all up in booze never made the slightest bit of difference. Yes I am after having one pint but slowly sipping at that and will probably fall asleep shortly.
Ok it did bring the issues surrounding my situation to light but no more than that really. People actually thought I was mad by what I was saying and put it down to the drunken state I was in.
I guess now that I have come to my senses a little more now and am looking at a distance learning course that covers amazingly Gender Issues. I am changing my whole life around for the good now and can see how hard but worthwile it could be.

Still taking little steps and no big leaps :)

xxx Katy xxx

Ouch Ouch Ouch

Laser: ouch!
Other hair removal: Ouch
And for the sympathy: Ouch

I have found that laser hurts like hell and plucking hairs is not too bad one by one but from the nose is worse than anything that I have been through until now.
Hey but I think that all these little things might be just worth while and to think that what GG's go through is a little less pain than what I have been through to get this far :) Ok I might just be wrong

Transition.

Ok I have been talking a lot of blurb just lately but hey it has got to be better than the depressing stories of earlier this year.

I am on a high right now and have been told that July is kind of quiet so I can make plans for my first consultation in London and hope that I can soon get onto HRT. I cannot believe that I now feel comfortable with this situation and am prepared to share my feelings. I have been looking back in reflection and wondering where I would have been if I had never joined up with the Angels Forum. Hmmm well I did and this has all been let out. I have become more confident but at the same time still very shy in the company of females. Looking in the mirror these days have become more pleasant and am comfortable with the person that is looking back at me. However in saying this I find the lower regions very disgusting indeed.
I am now able to talk to people without masking it through drink and have gained a healthier lifestyle. These days I would rather just be by my laptop and not sat at the bar. Ok the last post suggests different but I do enjoy a few drinks to unwind in the evening but am aiming to get away from that as it still is a dependence.

Recently I have been bogged down with a cold and have used this to my advantage to loose the weight I recently gained. It is so tempting to take 3-course dinners and fried breakfasts every day.

So if I look back and ask myself abut transition, I think that I have actually become a better person and it has helped my lifestyle.

As to the other side of clothes, I have decided to set myself another set of targets.
I now want to get onto HRT and start making the physical changes before the vanity part of this whole thing kicks in. I have to get people used to the fact that I am physically changing and have always said that the vanity part is just the icing on the cake.

Ok I had better be off to try and shunt the bus from where it is parked :(

Katy's evil little thoughts.

Well here I am in another hotel and another tour. Hmmm ok that's the boring bit out the way.

Once upon a time, there was this person who had a great beaming personality and could bring a smile to anyone that they met. But this person had a secret which nobody knew. When the sun went down and after all the Guinness had been drunk, she felt very much alone and rejected from the world that she lived in.
It was only in recent times that this lass realized just what she needed to do in order to make life what is was intended, kick out bob and become her real self :).

Ok 3 pints of Bud and I can write crap :)

As of late I have been subject to lots of hotels, being a prostitute would account for this or merely a coach driver:) I have some issues that not many of you out in this wonderful world could relate. Is it a man thing, for men invent some of the most stupid things going: ........
Revolving doors: Dragging you case through these can be a nightmare especially when you have a case for bob stuff and a case for the evening "secret stuff" ;)I can manage most things but these type of doors can be a persons worst fear especially when you have to shuffle to get through and realize that at the side is a normal door that you could have just opened. :(

Talking lifts: those things that ask you to select your floor and tells you the direction that you are going and the fact that the doors have just closed.

Old habits

It's kinda funny how the mind works. I have been very conscious lately of eating and drinking habits, something in the past that I have not really cared about. I think it could be put down to the slobberish male nature that we all have to adhere to.
I have cut back on my drinking but had a mad session the other evening, but am quite content to have a drink now with my meal and to unwind but nothing like last year.
Having just gone downstairs for my first cigarette of the day, I have just come to realise that I no longer enjoy or need the effects of nicotine and knows that I need to quit to be able to go on HRT. I also now hate the smell that it causes so watch this space.

My diet is extremely varied now however I have put a little weight in through the good food that I am eating so will have to suppress the need for fatty foods and desserts.

I am not sure why I am feeling this way but really not worried and not going to question it any more. :)

Shopping.

Oooo a word that I love. I am able now to do the looking part and would probably be able to make the purchases too given half a chance :)
Ok it was sunday lunchtime and most of the shops were closed around Kilkenny. I went into Argos and made a few purchases including a home laser kit. Ok I have been recomended to go to the professionals but the cost and the time that I get off is rare these days. Soo I gets back to home and watches the dvd and gives it a blast on my chin only. That was Monday night and I think that the growth in that area has slowed. I will have another go on the whole face area when I get home (which could be another 6 months at this rate :)

Today I have a fairly easy day and will be in Dublin later. I hope to get out and do some clothes shopping as essential supplies have become soiled and needs to be washed, but not sure when I am going to be back at home. Hmmm my mind is wandering to some nice knicks. I am sure that I could be brave enough to make a few purchases.

Little thoughts

I have been on a high this last week, but was brought back down just as quick. It is just part of the rollercoaster ride that being TS is all about. I hung onto dreams of being my true self but had the thought of it all going wrong and not being able to turn back. Having come this far I really think that it is too late to turn back now and the only way is forward.

With each and every day that passes, I find my confidence is getting stronger and can now go into places and looki at the stuff I am going to have to buy. I keep reminding myself that although I don't want to be this way, I have been all my life and have to make the change. In time I hope that this comes and really thinking now that the transition has begun. It is the little things that make the big picture worth while and able to work. After all what is the point of being female if you cannot face buying feminine stuff. Hmmm a thought for us all ..xxx

And moving on .... :)

oh I just had to get that last post off my chest................

So where was I?? OOOoooooo.. I know. My shopping trip that never evolved. Ok later that afternoon I had to go back and pickup my gorupies. They are such wonderful people I thought that it would be nice to take them into Conomara for a little tour. The journey would only put an extra 45 mins onto the time but I knew that they would love it. Yeah right! I was doing it for myself as I know the spiritual properties that this place has. In the morning for instance. Had an extremely long day and was tired when I woke. Seeing those mountains again for the first time this year and the vast open space, all of a sudden I did not feel tired anymore. I just needed a little reassurance that I was not dreaming about this pace last year and with the problems of late that it could help me if it were true. Oh by god it was, we stopped for a photo over a lake with a little white cottage. I often dreamed of owning this little cottage jsut to sit in and wallow away my life in the natural beauty of rugged surroundings and winds that always blow. Well ok that could be another story. I was stood there facing the lake and looking around, breathing the air deep into my lungs and felt kind of uplifted like I was trying to fly. It was like being in heaven again, the clouds that are always lurking over the mountains and the rapid flowing rivers. I was totally detatched from the world for a few breif moments that felt like it was forever. And that was only half a tour. What is going to happen next week when I do the full thing.

Pompus prats.

Ok up until now my work has not been going well, I think this is due to the prats that I havebeen driving on the bus. Enough I scream I am not going to talk about work anymore. Ok only just this one bit. I have a group from Denmark who are absolute sweethearts. It was a bit of a shock to the system as I had prepared for French but hey every little helps :)

Ok I have been feeling somewhat miffed recently as to how I present and who I really am. It can get so lonely and frustrating hiding your true identity especially as the world sees you in a whole different light. This week though has been completly different as I have been able to have a lot of fun with the group and was actually told off about looking too formal with the collar and tie affair, so I'm pleased all round at the moment. After dropping the party off for a day on one of the westerly islands I took myself into town to hopefully do some clothes shopping. Hmmm well I beowsed and decided that this was not the time at the moment as I still need to loose a lot more weight yet. Ok truth of the matter is that I was scared but seems that every day that passes now I am getting stronger.

Isn't it strange

I have come to terms with my situation and the road ahead of me in the future, but as it stands at the moment I cannot face going into a shop to buy clothes. I cannot lie to save my life and would feel uncomfortable if I was to get talking to the cashier.

I am looking though at a weekend away sometime in July to go and get my diagnosis and to have a makeover. I hope to meet up with one of the girls who could possibly help me get over this first 10 foot hurdle that I am facing and break down the barrier of my fears.

This is another "Where do I begin"

I have kind of lost the plot with this whole blog thing at the moment and spending much time and grace working working and ooo more working. Things are tripping along nicely now though and quite happy that I am back on track. I have scrapped the idea of Laser and getting a home Kit to try. Ok it is not the admirable solution to the problem but paying all that money out is just not on. Yes I am at-last getting tight with my money and looking out for my future. I am still a little bad though when it comes to buying clothes. I just cannot bring myself to doing this right now neither male or female stuff but things are looking rosey for me to come to the UK in July and maybe just maybe someone might love me enough to go out and do some shopping stuff :)

What a week

Ok where the heck do I start. Laser. Had a test patch done and was disappointed that it was not the full works. It is going to sting like heck but has to be worth it not to be shaving. Ok it is not an immediate cure and those dreaded blades are going to be around for a while yet. €400 per fekking session but have got the clinic down to around €330 as I am having this long term ad explained about my situation and said that I really did not want to be going through with this change in my life. It worked though. Got the appointment card back at home which could change at any time due the forces of work.

Ok I mentioned the "W" word. Dear god if I was like my tour guide that I have finished today with the most obnoxious little cow that i have ever met. My sister-in-law is a saint in comparrison. But enough about that bit of cack for the mo' :)