Why?

It seems this little 3 letter word has become the norm recently with mostly all aspects of my life.
The biggest why though is aimed at the constant horrible thoughts that I battle with all the time. Why can't these just go away? or why do I survive when all around me seems destined to fail?
Ok the latter of the 2 is pretty negative but was the attitude that I had at the beginning of the year. The trouble was that I was in unchartered waters after opening up to complete strangers about my condition which in turn set off the self-destruct mechanism within that I had always feared. The problem with GD is the self-inflicted hatred and fear of peoples reactions yet the people I have spoken with have actually been supportive, so why was I worried?
Ok I won't answer that as I will leave it to the imagination ;)

Ok on a lighter note today came another why? and in the process the good honourable Kerry weather raged against me walking out town this morning. God I looked a mess but had a good sense of humour over it. It takes something as trivial as getting wet to highten my mood right now as there seems to be too much serious stuff to be concerned over.

Anyway I shall leave it at that for now as the glucose levels have taken a tumble plus I need to conquer some fears that I have got set into my mind about going into town.
Who said this was going to be plane sailing huh?