Living with debilitating thoughts of self-destruction & such low self-worth is something over time I have become used to as such to me was a process that was as natural as breathing.
Actually to give an insight, it used to be thoyght-shudder-suicudal thoughts. That was pretty much for every interaction I have ever had, with every human being, throughout my WHOLE life.
That process of knowing what people saw on the outside was totally not what I saw but was powerless to change what I thought was the impossible.
So in recent times things have started to change & I'm now starting to connect with me as a person, in whole & in mind, body & soul.
This process has seen the elimination of such thought processes & has left me feeling bewildered.
Through a process taken over many years & from my mental decline, I learned strategies that now serve as my adaption to my new & natural life. It is these tools that can now automatically kick into action & now when a thought comes to mind from my past the "its OK" factor kicks in.
Learning new strategies is vital for anyone who wants to break the cycle of mental suffering & live a life in recovery. Sadly many are consumed by paralysing fear & for them this may seem an impossible task.
It was that way for me too in the start. But by repetition & discovery it is possible.
My journey continues but for the most part of it to date I can live in relative peace.
Little things creep in & trigger anxiety like this evening of bathing my dog.
Even that in itself was scary but I was also able to see beyond it too
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