Heavenly Angels Whispering

Today's storm has kept me in & seldom would I do a second post, but feel this ones worth the go 😇 The day has been tough, good & relaxing all rolled into one & that's just how I like it. Variety. A phone call earlier took my piece of mind & sent me spiralling into a frenzy of anxious & black thoughts. The nature of the call was with the best intent but the memories as to why I walked away in the first place came flooding back. See I'm very open about my journey, my transition & keep things very neutral or practical as I like to describe it. However people who I've trusted with the honour in sharing my adventure have betrayed me & shattered my trust, abused me & refers to me in a way I find unpleasant. So the only way is to trust no one & to find my own inner peace. This has meant walking away from supports because people blatantly make it obvious the don't want to deal with you & that suits me fine. I'm happy with my own company, always have been & I am being constructive with my indoor cycle training as the weather out there is crap right now. So I gets this call, asking me if I was going back Monday evening & the reasons why was to try & gauge my interest in the group. The last time I was there I became anxious & walked away. I've tried to fit in but trying is no longer an option I wish to battle with these guys. Well the head took off into negativity & that's OK too as it reminds me that it's still on the back foot trying to beat me down again. I sit with it & it gets no better. I put my meditation channel on & for the past few hours have had the long, slow soothing music I call "the voices of angels whispering" which has been & will remain my number one lifeline for safety & grounding. Now I'm starting to feel that sense of peace being restored. That wave of calm lapping against me like the waves of the ocean gently trickling against the sand. Yes this is where I feel safe, its where I can ground myself & remind myself of my past, future & more importantly my present as I live messenger moment by moment.