I'm kinda glad that I never mentioned yesterday about my good intentions as once again it failed. I have been left feeling disappointed by these efforts yet not seeing any such challenges as a failiure just merely a setback of not being ready.
Well what happened left me feeling emotinal in many ways as I sat outside talking to my mum and sister-in-law on yahoo messenger and couldn't help feeling for my mum as she is now in regular contact with her grandchildren from Scotland. These are somewhat different emotions compared to what had been going through my mind as of late with selfish thoughts of self-harming. Nope it has not crossed my mind one bit and can now safely say that I am free of any medication that was ever prescribed for my mood. It's not really something I considered yet kinda happened through forgetfulness ;) and yet I must admit that I feel loads better off without the stuff.
I guess strength has been built beyond belief to be able to continue the fight back to this level and yet it still lurks in the back of my mind about wishing this could all be over and never again be burdened with gender issues. The wakeup call comes though that this is happening and I have no control over the situation so has to deal with it accordingly. Hopefully this change to my life will make me happy in the end.
On another note, my train of thought yesterday evening was a little unstable and had thoughts of going back drinking. It's the first time I had any such cravings for alcohol yet would not let into that temptation one bit.
Anyway, I'm going to try and get back to sleep.
xxx
1 comment:
There isn't anyone who wouldn't wish it away. Congrats on stearing away from the alcohole and here's to a good nights sleep.
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