People who have dealt with me on a perso)nal level with my health issues never believed me when I stated that this condition I suffered effected me mentally, emotionally & physically. Well here goes round number * in the battle against GD.
What I've been experiencing over the last few days is once again part of the trauma that has blackened my past recently. The feelings of dizziness, nausia, rapid weight gain & loss, headaces, fatigue, anxiety, depression, stomach cramps, loss of concentration.
Yet now I can think straight & have built upon my self-worth, I can see why all this rolled into one with the added ingredient of low self-esteem, low self-confidence tipped me over the edge.
In saying this, yesterday I had a point where I felt like chucking the towell in, which lasted for a good few hours but thankfully owing to my strengths I've not done anything stupid.
It is so hard for people to understand why I did those foolish things of trying to end it all, but the answer so simple and always the same "I've had enough of the suffering."
Yet what seemed to be a challenge of the mind has become the mundane for me and expecting nothing great in the feelings department, I've been rewarded in my own little way.
That is what keeps me fighting, this is the hope that I was clinging onto for all those years.
Yet even when the medics realise that all this is not a mere fantasy in my mind, then & only then will I finally be free of this whole burden of proving a point that need not be proved, but only for the lack of understanding, the pure ignorance that such a condition could cease to exist.
I'm supposed to be a male with a fantasy to become female, a person suffering a mental illness yet all those months my psychiatrist tried me on the "anti" tabletsI, my body wasn't having it.
So now we have to present once again with the pysical symptoms, be assessed for stability of mind & judgement made to weather or not I'm putting this on.
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