God I am really sorry for the recent outburst of emotional state. I have emailed a few over at the Angels forum to say that I am ok.
I am finding it a little hard right now but for some reason cannot understand why. I know that I need to move on to the next level and feel comfortable with my current state. I have never been happier but why the heck is this happening to me. It seems to have gone full circle back to where I was back in February.

I have recently got involved with a community project that I can help out a few evenings a wee when I am back home. I also get help through this with the various issues that I am facing myself. My main concern is to get myself back on the waggon and off the drink. Although I do not drink as much as I did a year ago it has to go completely. Hopefully this will not be as hard to do as in previous times and I have the incentive that I cannot drink infront of my group which I will be picking up and dropping off constantly over the next 5 weeks.

I am also scared by the recent changes that I have come to terms with over the last few months. Unlike many of the girls I have spoken to, I get no real gratification over dressing in female clothes. In actual fact if there was any way that this could be avoided then I would take those measures. I think that I have mentioned that fact before somewhere.
To me this is a unity of my mind and my bodily functions or in simple terms the person that I really am.
Going back to work in male mode is not helping either but am too soon into this job to talk about my situation. Anyway I will be out of the industry at the end of the season.

Thus summing up, I am confused, hate my identity, but happy yet scared to hell about moving towards my next level of transition. Hmmm can anything be done to save this girl. Maybe not but fear not I am not doing anything stupid