Why try and make things look rosy when clearly they are not.
I have lost so much in the past and gained very little. Days, weeks & months have passed that I have just merely existed and have fought to survive. Story of my dam life and can always manage to find a way to blow it completely. Most of my problems now are caused by the demon alcohol and tend to find myself sloping off to the pub whenever I get the chance. However it is such sessions that have brought my whole world crashing down recently and this is something that I hate and has left me with little options now open to me.
Why do I continue to battle on when clearly there is an option that if I did not exist anymore then I would never be missed. I think the main reason for this is I have tried many times and failed. The mind of any person attempting to self harm is that misty fog, that there is no clear way out. No visible approach and they have desperately tried to turn the corners to change things but keep hitting a brick wall at each turn.
So have I hit another brick wall? Well not really but have kind of screwed things up big time that has lost me respect. And that to me is the most painful thing, booze fueled stupidity that comes with irreversible conditions.
2 comments:
You would be missed - probably by more people that you know. That doesn't make it easier - sometimes it makes it a lot harder to carry on as it's like a weight to carry. It's still true though.
I know I would not, but not going to do much in the way of stupidity.
For all those here Keep in contact as i am about to be deleted from Angels by request. But I am in the frame of mind that I can help.
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