Ok the times here are not exactly correct. But in real time Ireland it is 05:15.
Having had another emotional evening I mad about 2 hours sleep. There has been a time bomb ticking away inside me for years now and has just exploded which is why I currently feel the way I do.
I have come to the conclusion that my life as a male is finally over and that I have to re-build and adjust to the life of my female mental state. Not a choice but a fact. This can probably explain why I have been feeling the way I am right now.
The coming months and years are not going to be easy, but feel that I have been building for this moment so far in my little life.
I have a strong will to survive and a personality that most could only dream of, the only problem now is that I have to make bodily changes to continue with life.

I am in the process now of sourcing out a shrink that can deal with my condition.
I am starting at the source in london and working back to here in Ireland.

Later on today I am heading away for a day out. It is about time that I treated myself to a nice pair of shoes/ boots and may have a look at a few tops. Just call it a survival bribe for getting this far.
Maybe the feelings within can explain why I no longer feel guilty about buying products and browsing at clothes.
Hmmm nice thought.

I now have to accept the fact that my life is never going to be the same again and have in too much self pity to look back in anger.

In light of this, I feel more like I did when I was about 6-10. A nice little sparkle in my eye and sensual flowing femme thoughts. God what it is like to be free again.
Having gone through bad events in 2006, this is just about the limit and the test of my ability to survive.

Ok I am a little more (VERY) serious with what I am going through and is trying to get people to understand. Hmmm baning head off a brick wall sounds pretty good.

Like the vast majority have said about taking slow, I'm in no rush to get there. I've had this condition all my life and there is no escaping it anymore. Just taking each day as it comes and thus with the lack of finance at the mo' well need I say more. Each day will have it's own set of challenges but nothing as big as the brick wall I hit when I was in the UK, up to it in debt and all that stuff. I want it, I work for it and save for it. I get it. easy. Hmmm well not quite.

I am also looking to the fact of facing my boss and telling him about my condition. I am soon to be thrust back into the realms of working life, which to say the least will be different this year than any other.

Ok, time to try and get back to sleep


xx Nite xx