Today has not been a good day. Well for me it has, but it seems that the best way that my housemates can come to terms with this situation is now by ignoring me. I am not in this because I want the sympathy vote, oh god no to be able to live a civilized life without the finger pointing would be great. I know it is a long bumpy road that I am on and nobody said it would be easy. Last night saw this particular housemate ridiculing me to which I shrugged off. I wish there was some way in which I could turn back but too committed to achieving my life long venture to live life as a woman. I am also despondent to the reaction of posts made on the angels website, but hey heck I am going through this like many more out there. I just feel like a super bitch right now with the attitude that no-one or nothing is going to stand in my way. I have decided to dress en femme fulltime and then go forward for the treatment. At least this way will eliminate any such doubt when I go onto hormones, so by this time next year should have me name changed and be on the course of hormones. I am kinda scared as to what the outcome will be but blinkered as to go forward. I am now taking pride in my appearence and looking more femme with each day that passes. I can now look in the mirror and see myself for who I am, that dream girl is no longer a vision when I close my eyes.

As to the rest, well that is just history. I spoke to my mum today a little more in depth about my feelings and she is about the only one backing me through this. I have decided that from this moment on, I am doing my own thing and will come out fighting the other side. It would have been nice to have the backing of my housemates especially as I feel so vulnerable in the big wide world out there at the moment.

On a positive note I have been in touch with a help group based in Cork who meet at the beginning of the month. Will try my upmost to get there next week but have the usual stumblings of payin rent and all that and with the cash situation as it is, Hmmm well.

Ok, my rant over for now

xx K xx