Things seemed quite good yesterday. Went out at lunchtime with my female housemate and had a few drinks and a chat about my condition and the direction in which I was intending to go. There are only a handful of people that I have spoken to about this but seem fairly understanding. We went on to town later that evening and had a good time. The mood was fairly light and could make jokes about me being a freak. I got to the stage of having my limit of drink and decided to head home. Outside one of the clubs was a fight. Immediately my femme instincts kicked in and felt quite scared. Having no money had the only option to walk home. Had a few lads following me for a little while but turned off a different direction. I had this shudder that what could have happened if I was dressed, would things have been different. This got me to a sense of panic which quickly led to emotional thoughts of what I am going through. Wearing female clothes out while brandishing the bits of hatred below could be a recipe for disaster. My fears turned into doubts and on to confusion as I walked the 15 mins back towards home. I just wanted out of this situation and the thought occurred again of taking my own life.
Knowing that this was not the way out could only focus on getting home and onto the security of the angels chatroom. Thankfully at such a small hour there were still a few girls around and quickly I felt much better.

My general train of thought today has been to my experience last night and what would happen when I finally make my stance in life as a woman. I have decided that like my small steps in transition, my social life should also be in moderation. This should not cause any suspicion as to the changes that I am making to myself.

As I am now a practicing wannabe girl, using the facial products but not onto the makeup yet, I have to still be discreet about my actions.
I has been noticed by a few about my differences and the discussion last night was to how the people around here would treat me. That is kind of the scary bit I am not looking forward to.

I am now seeking advice for facial treatment either by laser or electrolysis as find shaving a bit of a bind. Something I always had issues with though in respect.

I am off out tomorrow to do a bit of shpping and after the purchase of my cleansers and stuff the other day, is going to be a challange to buy foundation and lippy. I might, if I am brave enough, have a look for a nice top and possibly a pair of boots. Seem to have this fetish with boots at the mo' as I could possibly wear them out with a pair of jeans.
My pink cardie has been banished from public view *lol* as I find it a little too much. Looking for something neutral like grey.

Still hoping to make it to London in March, but looks like my chances are fading as money becomes tighter. So might just make the break right here in my own good time.
Still not going to give up on the fact though.

Transition for me is a way of finding my true self and learning to cope with the day to day pressures that I am going to have to face. Not even so much as the dressing anymore as I feel quite comfortable just being me.


anyway enough rambling from me for one day

xxKatyxx