So lucky

What would ever possess a person to be driven over the top? Well it can be a number of issues. From my personal prospective it can be a situation that no foresight of ever getting out of, the fear of fear itself or simply a snap in the head at a moments notice. I really thought that the latter was under control but yesterday proved that it is not by a long way.

Over the past few weeks I have been have re-occurring dreams about my dad and problems that I went through back in the UK and decided to talk to someone professional about this and related gender issues. Ok so I came out of there feeling a little more clear in my mind about situations and how to move forward but then had a call from my boss stating that work was going to be slack this month. I immediately started to panic and came home to find a bottle of vodka in my cupboard and decided to start the usual of drowning my sorrows. I had also been recently prescribed some tablets from my Dr to help me relax and sleep better as I had not been sleeping too good recently. So the next is obvious, playing sad & depressing music, crying myself into a state I decided to say good-bye to this world once and for all.

It was about 8pm last night when I was found on the floor by my landlady who was concerned about me as I had told her a few days before that I was leaving the house and moving on. The rest becomes obvious and founf myself being woken up by strangers in hospital. When they had realized that I had only taken a few tablets I was clear to go home. And have been told that in the last few minutes, my blood test came back as not having any alcohol in my system so what the heck was in that bottle? We can only assume that someone else had drunk the contents and replaced it with water :)

I have been told though that the previous weeks drinking has taken it's toll on my body and that I need to do something about this. A case of "do or die" simple and bluntly put to me which sent a shudder down my spine.

So now it is really the fight to bounce back. and get back to some normality before I commence work again.