Monday 21 April 2008

Feelings of despair and suicide

I have had a good night out tonight and was going to walk home. I feel somewhat open to the elements of attack by others around me and pleaded with a good friend who is a
taxi driver to bring me home. I am still presenting as male however it is my mental state that is kicking in with this fear. Not a good issue by any point.
When I left my friends in the night club, I felt like just coming home and putting something up to end this whole saga of events. However I am such a coward and feel that someday this will all come right especially at the moment as I feel so strong within myself. I am now asking favours from my mate who still owes me money to borrow some cash to pay for the visit to London that I am so desperately seeking. I would do anything right now to get an opinion to reassure me that this is going to work out well or even make me feel complete. Yes it maybe said by some that the demon drink is kicking in, but it is not. I feel very much alone in this and wish that I had someone to turn to that could give me some answers. My mum is trying her best bless her and likewise with my friends. They do not understand how bad this really is and has no idea over GID. The angels forum in my opinion is a waste of time right now but might eat my words later on.

I look in the mirror and see this young lady crying out for help, but her screams are not being heard.

No comments: