To me the world evolves around the little things making the big picture unique for me this especially true in the changes that I am making to my life right now.
I don't really feel the need to rush home and change into a skirt to feel feminine, that is something that I carry with me all the time. It is the small things like tying my hair back and Just making sure that I look good and have decent clothes to go out with. Most of my existing wardrobe I am going to keep for day to day wearing even when I start my FT quest en femme. I have to endure the day to day suffering of being recognised as one person when I am totally the opposite. Having to use male toilets and the stench that comes from a guy pissing over the floor. YUCK!
The changes that I am making though are mainly for that reason of status and feeling comfortable therein the role that for such a long time I feel that I belonged. I still have this mammoth task to loose a suitable amount of weight before I start my FT experience and can see the light now that health issues are getting sorted.
It is quite a feat though to live the day to day life as a female, the routines of getting up and sorting the little noticeable things out really take time but is worth it in the end. The main essences of my transition is to get the diagnosis and the relevant hormone treatment. I also need to consider my appearence with getting hair grafts and my teeth sorted out. This is all going to take time and money, but the lasting benefits will be worth it in the end. Once I get into a routine of driving, I can make plans to start Laser treatment and am tempted to carry this on with a home kit, which i hope over a period of time will pay off.
A lot has already changed with me and has gone un-noticed. This is the way that I really want things to go however there is going to be a time when the doo doo's hits the fan and I present FT as a female. I can only imagine that I am going to loose a dose of good friends at that turning point despite the fact that they have vowed to stick by me. Well will have to wait and see on that one.
I think that my recent feeling of being down is mainly due to the fact that I am waiting for sufficent funds to become availible to make my appointment over in London. It has also got to me that i seem to be waiting forever to get back to work. Somewhat wishing my life away which is not good, but the best things come to those who wait.
xxxxx
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