I sat back this morning over a cuppa tea and thought about the few months ahead of me and the work I am likely to be doing. Ok really dreaming of earning a wage again. It suddenly struck me that in less than 24 hours the clock will be ticking for a life changing motion. I can actually start planning and saving towards my transition and every little step I take and every week that goes by is one less that I will suffer.
This year has already gone by pretty quick and sure as heck that the next 6 months will sail by too. Ok I love for each and every day and live every day to the full.
Battling against GID, alcohol abuse, smoking are all major factors that I have to overcome. There is still a long way to go but in my eyes now have closed the chapter of one book and about to write another. This is a direction that I have no idea what lies ahead, it's kinda scary but exciting as well. Having drawn the conclusion that this needs to be done, I dream now of nights out with friends and feeling relaxed and enjoying myself.
Of course there is no magical solution but feel now that my life is about to begin. I look back to tarot card readings I have done back in the UK ad all seems to be slotting into place. All the readings were basically the same and I was always told that I would move across the water and my life had not yet begun. Ok that was at a time when I was fighting to stay at my place in the UK and did not believe for one second that I would actually move. The scary thing was that I sold and felt so comfortable when i got to Ireland and just did not want to leave so I never.
Now my life is about to begin, my true personality is shining through and I can at least relax now safe in the knowledge that in time I can be complete.
My thoughts still reflect back to when I was younger and can see now the impact this has had within my life. I used to go to sleep dreaming about being a girl and one day this would happen. I am not fighting no more against my feelings and have to go with the flow. It is going to be scary at first in the big wide world but hey that happens to me all the time, i get scared. There now seems to be an air of confidence in me that I ave never felt before. We had a situation on the angels site there at the weekend. There was a lot of talk about setting up a support group and I took the bold steps of doing it. Never before have I been at the forefront of anything like this but I am not scared to do it now. Before i used to slope into the background and just hide away my fears. I make jokes now with certain housemates about what I will be like after my operation. I am a completly different person.
I still ask the big question though if I had the chance would I change anything. Hmmm well now I never would. I have hated myself for so many years and am so wrapped up in my own natural beauty that I could never invisage life in any other way.
No comments:
Post a Comment